pourquoi?

it's another one of those lazy afternoons where i feel like i am missing out on life marvelous adventures.

okay, i kid.

But it is one of those lazy afternoons where i just want to do nothing but read the whole night away. but reality is horrible (what's new) and i have to study. especially since i found out that my economics quiz at the end of the month comprises of TEN CHAPTERS.

(i hate econs.)

March barely started but i feet that the end of the month is approaching and that means so are finals. to be honest, i feel so much more prepared than i did last term. trying to be as conscientious as i can is semi-pulling off. I am quite glad i made that resolution at the begining of the year.

playing with that thought, a new-year resolution is probably another way to trick our mind into doing something that we hoped to do but yet had no motivation to do on normal days. am i even making sense here? probably not. but my point is that, a resolution is probably just a tiny white lie to help motivate us.

lies.

the question of today is,

to trust. or not to trust.

long talks had me thinking of myself. projecting myself as a seemingly trusting person when i am in fact as guarded as Cerberus. i really admire those girls who can be so blatantly honest with themselves and have so much self-love and esteem in them. (i honestly have no idea where i am headed with this.) N was lecturing me about how i have to come to accept me for me and i countered that i hardly know me sometimes. truth to be told, there is this little me inside me that wants to come out. but this me dont have the guard to. but then again, dont everyone have this tiny inner me? i am, afterall, just a girl who wants to enjoy her life as it is now.

to be fearlessly authentic. sounds so fake but its a life long personal goal. yet again, the road to self-improvment is a long and arduous one.

But me is trying.

xoxo