ok.

All the messed up fights

And slamming doors

Magnifying all our flaws

And I wonder why

Wonder what for

It's like we keep coming back for more

Is it just our bodies?

Are we both losing our minds?

Is the only reason you're holding me tonight

'Cause we're scared to be lonely?

Do we need somebody

Just to feel like we're alright?

Is the only reason you're holding me tonight

'Cause we're scared to be lonely?

Scared to be lonely

Even when we know it's wrong

Been somebody better for us all along

Tell me, how can we keep holding on?

Holding on tonight

'Cause we're scared to be lonely

xoxo, 

after all,

maybe even after all these while, i may not have made a significant impact in your life. strangely enough, i never thought there would come a day where i would miss your absence (as much as i do right now) and your silence. (so infuriatingly frustrating) thinking back, i regretted how much i had neglected you at times. i guess karma is a bitch. but here i am now (ironically), hoping that somehow along the way you would miss me too.
i realised, that we are so over those little small talks. i realised, that i dont actually know anything much about you nor were you willing to share much with me.
(i guess, i sound like a crazy whiny and selfish bitch right now)
i find myself scrolling through our past conversations and comparing it to us now. we never really have had days of silence before.
honestly, what happened? (i probably asked myself this a million times each day that it has become a habit)
the silence is deafening (as cliché as it sounds)
i had much faith that i was at least a little significant to you but why do i keep questioning myself.
i hope, that i am not disillusioned.
i hope that i am just overthinking.
(and all this would be alright soon.)
i hope that you miss our conversations.
i hope that you miss the times and the memories
i hope (foolishly) that you miss me.
did i actually mean anything to you?

well,

i hope it kills you inside.


(it is not too late)

xoxo,

-

did it even cross your mind

xoxo,

idea, ideals.

listening to sad, melancholic love songs got me thinking.

was it you i

fell for?

or,
was it

the idea of you?

xoxo,

kind-er

for if we can't learn to be kinder to 

each other,

how can we ever learn to be kinder to the 

most desperate parts of

ourselves?

xoxo,

fragility

"

it is okay to have a sensitive soul,

a fragile one

i think it is beautiful, 

because you allow yourself to feel everything so completely

and so deeply.

you dont have to run anymore,

you dont have to hide anymore,

please dont be afraid anymore. 

for it is a very brave thing, indeed.

to have a soul so vulnerable,

so precious. 

"

(if you ever find this, this is for you)

xoxo,

how deep

Helpless disillusions in to uncontrolled bliss.

Listening to Adele’s crooning has brought  “dem feels”. Well, I have been feeling those “dem feels” again for the past few days and sadly, I have come to a point of almost not caring anymore.

Okay, I admit. That I still smile like an idiot every time but there is also this sense of desolation and unexplainable pain. I told T to give me the weekend to figure out my punctuation marks. I think both of us know deep down that it will be a full stop this time. Or I wish that it will be a full stop. And as much as I don’t want it to be full stop, it has to be. It has to end.

I have done enough.

I have feel deep enough.
(i suppose.)

And I have no idea how much more I can give or feel.

Playing “The And” and mid-day HTHTs yesterday got me thinking of how people actually view me. R and J says they are jealous of my “giving heart”, of my capacity to give regardless of who the person is. That they are amazed at how I can always be so caring and so driven with concern for another being.

Am I really that selfless?

I am not.

I am selfish like everyone else. But I really just believe, that everything and everyone deserves a chance and I guess, I just want to give everyone that chance. (or chances)

 But I am exhausted already and I just want to return back to my shell. 

xoxo,