how deep

Helpless disillusions in to uncontrolled bliss.

Listening to Adele’s crooning has brought  “dem feels”. Well, I have been feeling those “dem feels” again for the past few days and sadly, I have come to a point of almost not caring anymore.

Okay, I admit. That I still smile like an idiot every time but there is also this sense of desolation and unexplainable pain. I told T to give me the weekend to figure out my punctuation marks. I think both of us know deep down that it will be a full stop this time. Or I wish that it will be a full stop. And as much as I don’t want it to be full stop, it has to be. It has to end.

I have done enough.

I have feel deep enough.
(i suppose.)

And I have no idea how much more I can give or feel.

Playing “The And” and mid-day HTHTs yesterday got me thinking of how people actually view me. R and J says they are jealous of my “giving heart”, of my capacity to give regardless of who the person is. That they are amazed at how I can always be so caring and so driven with concern for another being.

Am I really that selfless?

I am not.

I am selfish like everyone else. But I really just believe, that everything and everyone deserves a chance and I guess, I just want to give everyone that chance. (or chances)

 But I am exhausted already and I just want to return back to my shell. 

xoxo,