5 am

i am currently functioning on 5 hours of sleep and 30 mins of nap.

it's strange that i am becoming more nocturnal as the weekends go past. i remember being the odd one who always slept at 10 pm without fail back in secondary school. now, im the odd one that stays up till 5am. i guess, when i look back next time, i will laugh at my silly self for depriving myself of such precious sleep but right now, i dont regret it. ironically, it was rejuvenating in a certain sense. it was refreshing to be able to talk on such a level, which was something i wanted to achieve for the longest time but had zero opportunity to.

for me, at least.

thinking back on the questions that were asked and answered, the comfort of having small talks makes people reluctant to delve deeper. it's like we are so satisfied with having "small talks" that it feels weird to talk about anything else. yet, these "small talks" are essential. in some sense, it helps you understand about the other person but how long can such talks sustain? in some strange ways, i see glimmers of the past me in him. he reminded me of how scared and unsure i used to be. i mean, i still am in some ways. but at least, im trying to wear my heart on my sleeve more often. he reminded me of how i used to be so scared to share my burdens and pains. but i came to realised the importance of sharing such pains with your friends. putting myself on the other end of the spectrum, i would love to have them share their burdens with me. i mean, it shows a certain level of friendship and the trust they have in me when they confide.

i feel blessed to have such people in my life to share my pains with. and i would gladly take theirs on my shoulders.

i dont expect much. i have since learnt to let go of expectations. so i am contented. with small talks and rare, long deep talks in the dark.

i will not be greedy.

xoxo,