okay.

better to love and lost,

than to not have loved.

better to hoped and despaired,

than to not have had hope. 

amidst the whirlwind of emotions, my search for "peace" is nowhere to be found. this has been my most emotionally draining week since year 2 started. okay, maybe since i entered university. honestly, i just wanted to know what happen okay. like, seriously. avoiding is not going to help. i think right now, i am on the verge of entering the "anger" zone. its not healthy. 

i am not okay. 

i think admitting it is so much better than telling myself lies that i am in fact okay. people come and go. people change -- for better or for worse. there might be something bothering these people. me, coming up with excuses to make myself feel better, to understand their "so-called" situations just sort of sink me even further in this quicksand. 

i am not okay. 

maybe i am over-reacting, maybe i am too impatient, maybe my expectations were too high. 

maybe, just maybe, i thought it wouldn't hurt to have a little hope that this might be different. that, i could finally break down the walls without building them up again. 

but maybe i was wrong. 

i am not okay. 

but i will be. 

xoxo