better.

went for my second and hopefully last night cycling. i remembered how apprehensive i was towards this whole entire event just mere hours before. okay, admittedly, i was scared and being a wuss to face the things i had to face. all i wanted to do was to go into my little shell again and never come out. i wasnt sure i was ready. i didnt think i would ever be ready. but i wanted it to be done and over with.

being able to spend some "me" time, just cycling and taking in the breeze, was really helpful (despite my groaning knees) i felt, less suffocated. and i dont know how but at some point i realised, if i dont start, i will regret it when this whole thing is over. so i went, headfirst into it.

the talk that took up half the journey -- i wouldnt say it was satisfying... but it was good. it wasnt one of the best heartfelt talk two can have in the dead of the night, while trying to make sure we dont die. but it was good enough. good enough, given the circumstances. i was thankful that it happened. it was bitter-sweet too.

i guess throughout the entire thing, i learnt to not have any expectation of anything or anyone.

i have been disappointed one too many times and each and every time i gave new hope, only to see it distinguished like nothing. so, i learnt, i finally learnt.

ironically, after everything, i was really grateful for this night cycling. it didnt exactly soothe troubled hearts but at least there was some sort of closure.

at least, even if it hurts, it hurts less.

xoxo