Secrets

Tally opened her eyes to brown rotting rafters that looked as though they would drop and crush her if a wind were to shake the house. Slowly, Tally sat up, hay tangle in her ebony mass of curls. At first all Tally could smell was the dusty and slightly sweet-smelling scent of hay. But gradually, the rusty and metallic scent of dried blood assaulted her and she felt a lingering taste of it on her lips. Tally looked down. Her wispy chiffon dress was in shreds and she had no idea where her shoes were. More importantly, she had no idea where she was.

In the distance, she could hear the north wind howling and Tally grimaced at how shrill and eerie it sounded. I’ve to get out of here, Tally thought. But when Tally was making her way towards the door, the memories suddenly flooded in to her and she felt a sharp pain shoot through her entire body as Tally recalled with great clarity that evil thing that had landed her in this rundown barn.

Although Tally couldn’t remember how the man looked like but she could, however, remember his monstrous, disgusting hands on her body. Those rough, callused hands violating her, breaking her. She could still remember however, those wet slobbering lips of the man that seemed to close down on her, suffocating her. She felt her gorge rise as she remembered the stench. The smell of all things evil that seemed to envelope her, consuming her. Tally could still remember the sickening rip of her dress, the struggle, the horrible tanginess of her blood, her cries of help that went unheard and the hoarse cruel laughter from that man. All these, Tally remembered with great clarity as they played over and over again in her mind.

“Stop! No!” Tally screamed out, her voice echoed and bounced off the walls of the barn. Tally felt dirty. Tally hated being dirty. “I think, a bath is going to make it all better,” she muttered to herself as she dashed out of the barn and towards the forest.

Before long, Tally reached the gates of her town. Behind the forest at her back, high banks of clouds burned scarlet and orange, as if the western sky was aflame. Above her purple scuds of clouds hung impossibly still against the grainy blue dusk. In the distant east a rich velvet darkness crawled imperceptibly across the world, obliterating everything and the town lit up like a Christmas tree. Garlands of twinkling lights hung from roofs but Tally saw nothing, felt no warmth as she skulked through the town, towards the great town house that lay just ahead.

The house was a cold still cave. Her parents were not home as usual. “Christmas’ Eve and they're not home? Heh.” Tally spat, her voice dripping with sarcasm. She stole up the grand staircase looking forward to her exquisite bathroom that awaited her.

Tally scrubbed herself as she had never done before. She wanted to get rid of the monster’s touch, his smell, his presence. Tally wanted to clean away the memories, the pain. She wanted to feel clean again, to erase this secret that seemed to ooze out of her. Tally scrubbed harder.

This Tally in the mirror had skin raw, red and angry. This Tally had bleeding cuts from all the scrubbings. But despite all these, this Tally never looked more beautiful. Her wet hair was glowing and trailed across her bare shoulders, on to her chest. Her silver- blue eyes burned white, shining a cool, ethereal light across the room. Tally didn’t feel like herself --- she barely feel human --- but she was still the kind of stunning that make all the surrounding darkness disappear and Tally hated it.

Tally hated herself for being beautiful. She hated herself for feeling so small, so vulnerable. Tally hated herself for being dirty; the sickening and disgusting filth that violated her still clung stubbornly on to every pore of her body. Tally hated this terrible secret she knew she had to keep, this secret, like a nightmare that continues to haunt her, torment her… …

On the big canopy bed Tally lay, tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep. The foul images replayed countless times. She had no one to confide to, no shoulders to cry on, no chest to bury her head in. She had nobody. Frustrated, Tally reached under her pillows and took out the bottle of sleeping pills the doctor had prescribed. “One at a time”, the bottle read. Tally poured the entire contents into her mouth and forced them down her throat.

“After all, everyone has their dark little secrets, ones they never want anyone to know. Ones that forever remain untold.” Tally whispered to herself before she closed her eyes. Forever.