Road less travelled by.

I honestly do not know why I cried.

I could come up with many reason (excuses) but yet none of them felt like the correct one. The thought of being happy didn’t occur to me at that point when I got my results. I guess I was just merely stunned. I really couldn’t understand why everyone thought I did alright. Because I obviously didn’t think I did alright. To a huge extent, I was really disappointed in myself. But that doesn’t mean I am going to write a sob story right now (like some obviously did). Although I am rather proud to say that I did not bawl-slash-wail in school (like some obviously did). Okay fine, I did cry a few tears and my mascara smudge a little but that was all I guess. 

I spent the rest of the week reflecting deeply (not that deep, just deep enough) about my results and working on my university applications which were a pain in the butt (still is). Would it be thick-skin to say that I am rather proud of myself? I mean, I am not gloating but really, I am proud of myself. I was comparing my past results with my A Levels and I realised that I came a long long long way. I improved a lot for my Chemistry and Literature but well, I wish I could say the same for GP and Economics. Okay, I deserve what I’ve gotten for Economics since I practically gave up on it. (Thank god I pass though). But over the week, I was really surprised by myself. I guess determination pays off.

Last night, I was talking to Shane again. (coz I was too scared to click “submit”. Yeah stupid, I know) and I was telling her that one of my biggest regret in that two years was that I was not ambitious enough. I remember how I would try for every single event in Peicai. Like, volunteer for this? “PICK ME” but in CJ, I just become so lazy and unmotivated. If I could go back to being a 17 year old again, I think people would be scared of me. I felt that I didn’t accomplish enough in those two years. Like taking my exams more seriously or signing up for volunteering and all. When people around complained about their procrastination, they obviously have not known mine.

So now, I guess I have learnt my lesson. Okay, I am still rather lazy to think of what I wanted to do in my University life(if, I even get into one) but I guess I have a general idea. I want to have a fulfilling one. So that when I grow old and have kids and grandkids, I wont be some boring old (grand)mother.

Speaking of which, I guess I must have been really shocked by my results. Hence, I did something really embarrassing. I honestly didn’t realized then. And nobody stopped me. Like seriously why didn’t Shane say anything then! It only struck me when I was teaching tuition to this frustrating boy. I was so embarrassed when I recalled it. It happened twice. TWICE! Like why did I even do that. Holy. Which reminds me. Parents nowadays are so annoyingly demanding. Seriously, they ask for a tuition teacher but in fact, they are asking for a psychologist, a counsellor, a doctor and lastly a magician who can allow their precious child to score an A within less than a month of tuition. I mean, I am sorry to say this but since your son is obviously not a genius (seeing how he required tuition) and he obviously do not want to listen or do his work. How the heck am I supposed to make him improve? Cane him? Seriously, if I can help your son secure an A in less than a month, I would be rich by now.

Okay, enough ranting.

Going to be KOREA in slightly more than a week. Am I excited? I would be lying if I say no. (duh) Honestly can’t wait to pack my shit and get on the plane right now.

I have so much things to do right now. But as usual I am procrastinating. The amount of mini essays I have to write for universities are astounding. Why I cant I be blessed with that kind of writing flair. Recently, my imaginations have gone wild again and my fantasy instincts are kicking in. having the urge to type out a story but cant seem to find the mood to do it. Sigh.

xoxo